So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
