i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
