You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Randomize
