I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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