New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
soo... how was my night?
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
