Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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