and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
