Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
