You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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