I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
