Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
