Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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