Well apparently he's into motor boating.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
