ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
