Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I'm always down for nudity.
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