I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
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