Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
