My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
