the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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