Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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