So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Randomize
