Swine flu. Run for my life!
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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