Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
