Duck Duck Cougar?
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
