I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
