Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
