I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
