I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
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