I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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