who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Randomize
