check it out our google latitudes are spooning
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
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