True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
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