I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
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