there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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