If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Randomize
