I wish I could punch you in the face.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
