last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Randomize
