porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
