Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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