So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Randomize
