Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
