the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
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