i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Randomize
