Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
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