I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Randomize
