Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Randomize
