I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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