just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
