Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
