I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
