dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
