And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Never let your siblings swipe right.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
