Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
