it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
